For some of us, disappointment is pretty much the greatest pain in life.
Such people are frequently called "pessimists". Our fear of having our hopes dashed makes us wary of having hope at all. We prefer to imagine things to be as bad as they could possibly be, thereby leaving the door open to pleasant surprises but closed to disappointment.
Why do some people achieve a lot less than we think their potential would allow them to? Isn't it because where there is potential there are expectations, and where there are expectations there is a great possibility of disappointment?
People have told me not to fear disappointment so much, but I don't know how that is done. Our fears are usually not so rational that we can simply decide not to have them any more. And that goes for the fears that we know are irrational. How much more for the fears that have a basis in actual experience? The fear of dogs for someone who has never gotten close to a dog is different from the fear of dogs for someone who has been bitten.
It seems to me that the first step in conquering a fear of disappointment would be to learn that disappointment isn't so bad, and that getting your hopes up about things can actually be rewarding.
No doubt there are people whose life experience confirms this, but for some of us it takes great faith to believe that hoping for things is better than not hoping for them. To me it seems that whenever I hope for something (and I mean "hope" in the sense that I have a strong emotional investment in the outcome), I get punished for that hope by having it hurt me.
This is not a good way to train someone in the virtue of hope. It's a way to condition someone to be wary of hope.
Now I don't want to complain about the disappointments in my life, because no doubt it is a very minor pain compared to the sufferings that others have to go through. But even a mild electric shock is an unpleasant enough experience that it can make you avoid certain behavioral patterns that unleash it. Especially if the shock is not accompanied by some worthwhile reward.
As far as I can see, hope sucks. I have a hard time seeing how it is one of the great Christian virtues.
When I went on a pilgrimage through Spain in 2007, I repeatedly thought that I could write a book about everything that was happening in and around me. A few weeks after finishing the pilgrimage I started this blog instead. It may be the rough draft of an upcoming book -- who knows -- but it is my surrender to the urge to try to put into words what might better be left cloaked under a vow of silence.
