I did not end up eating at McDonald's. I did, however, look up a place with an internet connection. It was a ways away from the pilgrim shelter, which gave me an opportunity to walk through Santander for a bit.
What's wrong with me, I thought. My first priority is always to find an internet connection. Maybe I need to feel that I can still have contact with my friends?
Lone was at one of the computers in the call center. Ha, I thought. This is practically the biggest city I'll visit on this whole trip, and even here I keep bumping into the same two or three people I already know.
I wrote this blog entry. I had realized in my ponderings of what I wanted to do with my life that I was most alive when I was on the road. I no longer really believed that I could make a lifestyle of this, and I was afraid that if I could I would start hating it someday. But I had noticed that it was in my travels that my life seemed most worthwhile. I remembered hitch hiking trips, and prolonged hikes, and visits to faraway friends, as being the times when I came closest to really wanting to live.
It sort of scared me.
When I went on a pilgrimage through Spain in 2007, I repeatedly thought that I could write a book about everything that was happening in and around me. A few weeks after finishing the pilgrimage I started this blog instead. It may be the rough draft of an upcoming book -- who knows -- but it is my surrender to the urge to try to put into words what might better be left cloaked under a vow of silence.
